Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
