just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize