did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
