piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
...so i touched it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
