But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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