Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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