You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
