Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This baby is an asshole
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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