she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want nice things and good sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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