plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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