Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
