We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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