What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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