in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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