I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
