I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
