Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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