I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
