if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
