if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize