It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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