1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
