you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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