I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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