It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
