I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
