THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
