Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
foreskin is a definite game changer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
