i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
