when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
