Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The air taste purple.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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