i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had to cum in my sink.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
