she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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