remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
