There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
