Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
