i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
