Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
