Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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