'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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