True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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