i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
