Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
