so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
