Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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