Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
