The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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