I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
