what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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