my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
