I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize