we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
