hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
