I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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