Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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