I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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