you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
