You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
