it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
