Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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