Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
