If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize